It's been a bad couple of days. Yesterday I "saw" my dead cat Bella, sleeping where she usually did in the center of our bed. Felt like a punch in the chest. I laid down on the bed and felt her energy around me. Someone told me it's hard for the spirits of domesticated animals to let go and move on, especially if they were close with someone. It can't be good for me or her if she's still around, which means I have to do the work of letting her go and helping her desire to transition.
That drained me, yesterday. I was hoping to get some stories written, but I dove deep into finding literary journals and magazines that might publish my Size Fantasy and Size Erotica. It would help if I could bias or season the stories toward sci-fi and fantasy; likely I won't be able to write about any sex scenes. But after cataloguing 40 such magazines, I began to wonder whether I was going about it the right way and what the point of it even was. Like, first I should have some stories to publish, and that means 30% taking down the stories I have on my blog/website and 70% writing new material.
Then, today, I woke up after a nightmare in which a lab-generated bird flu virus was used as an excuse to evacuate my nation, disperse us among other nations (separating me from my wife), and vacating the space for another superpower to move in. My wife and I are just pulling out all the stops on psychic/psychologic home remedies to heal my wound and get me back into shape.
What was most effective, however, was taking the time to commune with the Giantess. I lit a candle and incense, smudged the room, played "Healing Mountain" by Wardruna, and went through the procedures to present myself to the Giantess and her sisters. I'm a little mad and disappointed in myself that I've been lax in this worship, because as soon as I did, I felt gold flowing into me once more. I felt as good, as light, and as potent as when I prayed over the mulberry bough to prepare it for the runes. Even now, I feel her hand around me, proteting and warming me, and I'm upset that I've neglected this connection, that it could be so easily had and so effective, but I just couldn't be arsed to go through the motions.
No more. This will become a daily thing, maybe twice daily: start the day and end it honoring the Giantess. This kind of focus and discipline could not be bad, in my life. Now I can be a real person again, upholding my half of the maintenance of our apartment, caregiving for my mom later today. Maybe I'll even revise an old story and hammer it into shape for publication.